You Can Love This Life and Still Need a Moment

Simple Ways to Reset When You’re Parenting All Day

It's 9:37 a.m. and you’ve already answered 85 questions, mediated two arguments, wiped something sticky off the floor (and probably your sofa), remade your coffee twice, been touched or climbed on approximately 1 million times, still not eaten your breakfast and been needing a wee for the last hour.

And it’s only Monday morning.

If you’re a special needs parent, a home-ed parent, have young kids or just happen to have your children at home with you all day, for whatever reason, then chances are that you have felt like this on more than one occasion. There is no school bus pickup, no quiet commute to work or well anywhere really (it's never quiet!), no lunch break where you sit in your car scrolling in silence. You are on. All day. Every day.

And somewhere between appointments, therapies, lesson plans, days out, playdates, social meet ups, snack requests, emotional meltdowns, cooking, cleaning (over and over) and the never-ending soundtrack of “Mum! Mum! Mum!.” you start to feel it, building like pressure in an airplane cabin.

The overstimulation, the feeling of being touched-out, the overwhelming need for five uninterrupted minutes before you explode.

And then comes the guilt, because you love your kids, you're so grateful to be able to have them and spend all this time with them. The guilt because your partners at work and you feel like this should be the easy option because you get to stay home. The feeling that you aren’t doing enough in your day even though you know that you can’t actually do anymore. And the list goes on…

But here’s the truth no one says loudly enough - You can love your children fiercely and still need space. You can be grateful and overwhelmed at the same time. Parenthood is meant to expand you, not erase you. And you are allowed to feel this way. It's not failure. It's not not doing enough. It's being a human!

Parents who are home all day carry a unique kind of exhaustion. You feel the need to be “on” all day, from sun up to sundown, like a constant ,and usually under-appreciated, entertainer, chauffeur, chef, nurse, personal assistant, teacher and everything in between and that’s all before you’ve even managed to brush your teeth.

And if you’re raising a child with additional needs, there’s even more layered on top of that. The constant supervision, safety concerns, sensory challenges, medical needs, advocacy battles and the emotional regulation. Usually accompanied by a severe lack of sleep!

Of course you feel overstimulated and touched out. That’s not weakness, it's just biology. Your nervous system is not designed to have nonstop input without a pause.

Needing a moment for yourself does not mean you love your children any less. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love the life you have. It doesn’t mean there isn’t big love and joy and adventure and buckets of amazing moments.

Somewhere along the way, most of us have felt the nagging thought of  “If I chose this, I’m not allowed to complain.”

Those pestering thoughts of - If you chose to home-ed (electively), you shouldn’t feel burned out, you should feel lucky that you get the opportunity.If you fought for your child’s diagnosis, you shouldn’t feel exhausted, you should be relieved that you got there.If you prayed for this baby, you shouldn’t need a break, you should feel grateful.

And you do feel all those positive things a lot of the time but you also feel the negative because that’s how love works.

Love doesn’t cancel out the overload, gratitude doesn’t stop the fatigue and devotion doesn’t stop your need to breathe.

Guess what? Regulated parents raise regulated children. So when you take that pause instead of pushing until you snap, you’re not being selfish. You’re showing your children self-respect and you’re teaching that adults are allowed to breathe and allowed to take care of themselves too.

Self-Care doesn’t have to mean leaving the house and let’s be honest that's not always possible anyway. Added to that telling a special needs parent to “just take a spa day” is almost comedic.

Who's going to babysit? With what extra time? With what magical invisible village?

So you just carry on, giving all of yourself until you burn out. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Here’s the thing - self-care for parents who are home all day looks different but it is possible.

It’s not about escaping your life or achieving the impossible. It doesn’t have to be aesthetic or major. Just creating tiny, intentional moments inside your day to day will make all the difference to you .

Think of them as parent pauses, small resets woven intentionally into your day. They don’t have to be dramatic, expensive or time consuming. They just need to be enough to remind you that you still matter and you still exist.

What your moments look like will look different for everybody, depending on what connects with you but here are some ideas…

12 Simple ways to create moments for yourself (even when your on duty)

These are practical, realistic and most importantly no babysitter is required.

1. The Song Reset

Create a playlist that shifts your mood. When you feel tension rising, put on your playlist and sing or dance in the kitchen, close your eyes and breathe through one full track while the kids snack, get them involved in the dance party or just leave it playing while you get on with your jobs etc. If you just want to set yourself up for a good day, put it on whilst you're making breakfast.

Songs that make you feel good. That’s it.

2. The Tea Pause

During independent play or screen time, sit down with your tea or coffee. No multitasking. Just sip slowly like you’re in a quiet café instead of your kitchen and don’t let the guilt in for taking a break.

Even five mindful minutes will make a difference.

3. The Bathroom Break

Yes, we’re using the bathroom as a sanctuary. Yes we all do it. Three minutes. Deep breaths. Cold water on your wrists. Reset.

You are allowed to take up bathroom space alone.

4. Read Five Pages

Keep a book that you’ve been dying to read, but just never find the time, where you can see it. During quiet play, or whilst you're waiting for food to cook, while you're supervising bathtime etc you read five pages. It doesn’t need to be a whole chapter. Tiny escapes still count.

5. Audiobook or Podcast

Your washing isn’t going anywhere. But your mind can travel. Turn chores into mental breathing space. Listen to a podcast that makes you laugh or an audiobook you can get lost in.

6. Countertop Stretch

While supervising lunch, stretch out your shoulders, roll your neck and release your jaw. You’d be amazed how much stress lives there.

7. The “One Quiet Minute” Rule

Teach your kids that when you say “quiet minute,” everyone pauses. Start with 30 seconds if needed. Build it up from there. You can even turn it into a freeze game or a version of musical statues. 

8. Step Outside for Air

Stand on the porch or by your back door. Five deep breaths of fresh air can shift your entire nervous system. Take the kids outside for a walk or send them into the garden with their toys. Fresh air helps everyone.

9. The 10-Minute Independent Play Window

Use a timer and start small. Whether they draw, play with cars, look at a book, even just fill the sink with some water and toys for sensory play (with a towel on the floor).

10. Noise Reset

If you’re overstimulated, lower the input. Dim the lights, turn off background noise and breathe. Overstimulation is real so try to manage the input.

11. Workout

You can do a mini workout - ten squats, ten pushups against the counter and thirty-seconds of jogging on the spot. Or if you want more then my go to is to pop on a workout video in the living room, create a space around you, such as a yoga mat, and workout whilst still being able to see the kids as they play or snack. Movement clears stress hormones and you’ll feel like a whole new person.

12. Sit Down Instead of Standing

Sometimes your “break” is simply choosing to sit while supervising instead of hovering. Permission granted.

When Your Child Needs Constant Supervision

Some of you are thinking, “This sounds nice, but my child can’t be left alone.”

I see you and I'm right there with you. That said, Bear does love to lie on the end of my yoga mat while I work out. Or he watches my phone on the sofa next to me.

Your pauses may be shorter but they still matter.

Reset while they’re safely engaged in a preferred activity. Build quiet moments into routine. Accept that your “me time” may look like sitting on the floor instead of pacing.

You're looking for progress, not perfection.

Your Children Are Watching

Here’s what may be the most powerful part of all.

When your children see you pause instead of explode…When they see you stretch it out instead of suppressing…When they hear you say, “Mum needs one quiet minute”…

They learn something that they will need in the future. That self-care matters, emotional regulation, self-worth and taking moments for yourself is perfectly fine.

You are showing them that love does not require you to forget yourself, and that lesson will shape how they treat themselves one day.

So if you take one thing from this, remember - You are not selfish for needing space, you are not weak for feeling touched out and you are not ungrateful for craving quiet.

You are a whole human being raising other human beings. And that’s hard work.

You love your children and you show up every single day.

This is your life and you are still a person inside it.

Don’t disappear, you don’t need to drown in this life, you can build something that works for you. Thrive not just survive.